


Tell me I'm your Muse

by whatadudeman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Photography, Sexual Content, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:04:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1234297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatadudeman/pseuds/whatadudeman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>25 year old ex-photographer Zayn Malik doesn't take pictures anymore. That is until he meets 19 year old Harry Styles- the kid that inspires him in more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell me I'm your Muse

"Hey," Harry smiles as he joins Zayn on the couch, lifting Zayn's outstretched legs and placing them in his lap.   
Zayn furrows his brow, "What are you doing?"  
Harry shrugs, "The party was getting boring, so I thought I'd come join you in here."  
Zayn nods, "Okay, so what do you want?"  
Harry lets his hands rest on Zayn's ankles. "I want to know why you didn't tell me who you were when we met."  
Zayn furrows his brow.  
"You're the Zayn Malik- the photographer that was taking the East Coast by storm last year."  
Zayn smirks at that, "Who told you?"  
Harry frowns and admits, "Louis."  
Zayn nods knowingly.  
Harry furrows his brow. "But why did you quit? You’re work was amazing."  
Zayn looks away for a minute, he knows Harry means well but he doesn't really want to talk about it. "Why do you want to know?" he asks.  
Harry blushes and looks away so Zayn won't see, but it's too late and he already has. "I just thought I would ask, because you were good."  
Zayn crosses his ankle in Harry's lap so he can get his attention again. "I'd tell you but it's kind of personal. That's all."  
Harry looks back to Zayn and frowns. "Are we friends?" he asks.  
Zayn nods, "Sure, we're friends."  
Harry lets his hand rest on Zayn's leg again, "So why won't you tell me?"  
Zayn rolls his eyes, "Why do you care?"  
Harry glares at him, "Because I do, okay?"  
Zayn sighs, "How about if I tell you why I stopped taking pictures -you tell me why you want to know."  
Harry nods.  
Zayn takes a breath before he begins. "I stopped taking pictures nearly a year ago," he starts. "I stopped because my boyfriend, Hunter- he lost his battle with Leukemia."  
Harry's eyes are wide at that statement.  
"Everyone said I changed," Zayn goes on. "My pictures, pictures that were once great and poetic, turned dark and lonely. Nobody wanted to purchase my work anymore, and you know what? That was just fine with me. Because when he died I lost all the will to even lift up a camera, let alone take a picture."  
Harry was frowning, absentmindedly playing with a loose string on Zayn's jeans. "I'm sorry," he says.  
Zayn nods. "So there you go," he says. "I'm just another tragically uninspired artist and griever."  
Harry wants to tell him that he is more than that, so much more. But he can't seem to find the words at the moment.  
"So why did you want to know so bad?" Zayn asks.  
Harry looks at him, "I'm sorry I don't know how to answer that- I just did."  
Zayn furrows his brow in confusion.  
"I just think you're really interesting," Harry adds.  
Zayn nods, "Okay."  
Harry gives him a small smile. "I really like you, actually," he says.  
"Harry, you're nineteen," Zayn tells him.  
"So?" Harry asks.  
"I'm twenty-five," Zayn says.  
"Age doesn't matter to me," Harry says.  
"What about the fact that I'm an artist so woefully crippled by loss?" Zayn asks, using the same words that Louis uses to describe him.  
"That sounds like something Louis would say," Harry comments.  
"Louis has said it, millions of times," Zayn tells him.  
"Well," Harry says, "I don't care about that either."  
Zayn gives him a little smile. He thinks its sweet that Harry is so innocent and naive in this way. He thinks that if he were in Harry's place, he would want nothing to do with someone so damaged like himself. But Harry is young, and therefore he hasn't experienced what Zayn has and he doesn't know. Before Zayn can attempt to let him down easy, however, Harry has already crawled over to Zayn's end of the couch. Harry lies next to him and curls up against Zayn's chest, wrapping his arms around him softly- as if he's not sure if it's okay. Zayn sighs softly at the feeling of Harry against him. Harry's body is warm, and heavy so that it creates just the right amount of pressure against him. He looks down to Harry's face on his chest and sees that the boy has his eyes shut. He thinks Harry is brave to be willing to get into something like this, so brave that he even closes his eyes- trusting Zayn to catch him as he falls. Zayn waits a minute before letting an arm fall around Harry. They stay that way for a while and there are moments that Zayn thinks Harry has fallen asleep. And just when Zayn thinks to slip away to get a blanket or make himself tea, Harry proves he's not sleeping with a quick comment or squeeze of Zayn's hand. Even so, Zayn can see the party through the living room window. He sees the people milling about, making small conversation. He wishes Harry would go out there and talk to someone more interesting.  
"What are you thinking?" Harry asks suddenly, eyes still shut and head still against the part of Zayn' chest that houses his heart.  
Zayn lets a soft smile play at his lips, "I'm thinking that you ask too many questions."  
With that comment he subconsciously lets a hand run through Harry's soft, curly hair. It's a little while later that the party has since dispersed and Louis' returns to his living room. When he sees Harry and Zayn he waits, standing a bit away- so he can observe a minute. He notices how Harry is nearly engulfing Zayn, with all of his limbs. He thinks it sweet, really. He also notices how Zayn is mindlessly running his hand up and down Harry's back and Harry is smiling as he says something against Zayn's chest. Louis hasn't seen Zayn act this way with anyone in a long while, so long he can't even remember it clearly. Suddenly Zayn is turning his head as he notices Louis' presence.  
"Hey," Louis smiles.  
A small blush has creeped onto Zayn's cheeks.  
"Do you guys need anything?" Louis asks.  
Harry opens his eyes and sits up. "Oh, is the party already over?"  
Louis nods to tell him yes.  
"Sorry we missed most of it," Harry says.  
"You, missed most of it," Louis corrects him with a smile. "Zayn missed all of it."    
Zayn frowns, "You know parties aren't really my scene."  
Louis smiles and lets a hand rest on Zayn's shoulder. "I know, it's alright." Louis takes the quick silence as a chance to look at the clock. It's nearly eleven. Zayn looks too.  
"I should get going," he says. "I have to be up early tomorrow."  
Harry frowns at that.  
"You can stay over," Louis offers. "You know the guest room is yours whenever you want it."  
Zayn nods, he knows. The first few weeks after Hunter's death he stayed over at Louis' nearly every night. He just liked the sound of Louis snore, it reminded him he wasn't alone. But this time he has to say no. "Thanks Lou, maybe next time."  
Louis nods, "No problem."  
Zayn softly untangles himself from Harry and sits up, leaning over to slip his shoes on.  
"You can stay over if you want, Harry," Louis offers.  
"Yeah, sure," Harry says.  
Zayn gets up and grabs his car keys off the coffee table. "Alright, I'm out- goodnight guys."  
He turns to go and Harry gets off the couch quickly. "I'll walk you out," he says.  
Zayn waits for Harry to slip on his shoes. Once they're out to Zayn's car, Zayn stops and turns around. "So?" he asks.  
Harry puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs.  
"I can take care of myself," Zayn tells him, "you don't need to walk me out to my car."  
Harry nods.  
"So what is it?" Zayn asks, his voice a little more harsh than it needed to be.  
"It's just- do you ever think that maybe you've been taking care of yourself for long enough?"  
Zayn blinks, taken by surprise. He doesn't believe what Harry has concluded, wonders how he could seemingly not understand anything and yet understand Zayn perfectly.  
Harry continues, "Maybe that it's time you let someone else take care of you?"  
Zayn can't express what those words do to him and the way they pull on his heart. But he won't let that show, not now not ever. He crosses his arms over his chest, "And by someone do you mean you?"  
Harry shrugs again, "It could be, yeah. If you want it to."  
Zayn sighs, "You're just a kid." He turns to unlock his car.  
Harry grabs his shoulder, turning him back. Harry then takes both sides of Zayn's face in his hands roughly before pressing his lips to Zayn's. At first Zayn is so surprised he can't react, but then he feels himself wanting to kiss Harry back. So he pulls back, eyes still shut, before leaning in with open lips and tongue. Harry quickly changes the rhythm of the kiss to accommodate, leaning into Zayn so much so that Zayn is sandwiched between him and the car. In the rush of passion Zayn's arms go to Harry's sides, clutching at the fabric of Harry's white tee. He doesn't want to pull away, but Zayn knows he needs to step back into reality. He leaves one last kiss on Harry's lips before he pulls his head back. Harry's eyes open slowly and Zayn can see that his pupils have almost over taken the wonderful emerald green that lies there.  
"I have to go," Zayn says softly, his lips swollen from the kiss. Harry nods. Zayn lets his arms fall away from Harry's sides and he turns back to the car, unlocking the door and opening it.  
"Goodnight," Zayn tells him. "Goodnight," Harry replies.   
-  
The next time they see each other is a few days later. It's a Friday, the day that Zayn usually stays in the office until after everyone has left. He likes the solitude the environment provides and also the limited distractions. He's typing on his computer at his desk when it suddenly hits him what day it is. Friday. Louis had said something about Friday a few days ago. But for the life of him he can't seem to remember what he said. So Zayn grabs his phone and gives Louis a call.  
"It's nearly seven thirty," Louis says when he answers.  
"I know," Zayn replies. "Was there something I was supposed to do today?"  
Louis is silent a moment before he replies. "Was there something you were supposed to do?" he mocks. "Yeah, there kind of was. I invited you for dinner with me and El."  
Zayn closes his eyes as his hand goes to his forehead. "Sorry Lou," he says.  
"And I invited Harry too," Louis goes on. "Do you even know what day it is today, or are you completely blinded by that shit job you use as an excuse for everything?"  
Zayn sighs, "No, sorry- what day is it?"  
Louis can't believe him. "It's Valentine's Day you idiot. And Harry, the boy you kissed the other night, he was really looking forward to dinner with you."  
Zayn eyes widen, "Harry?" he asks.  
"Yeah, Harry," Louis says. "He was smiling ear to ear when he came over, and then you never showed. What game are you playing anyway? Are you just stringing this kid along? Do you even know how twisted it is if you are?"  
Zayn takes a quick breath- "Lou, listen. I totally got distracted, I forgot."  
Louis sighs, "Well maybe you should try not to forget the people that care about you."  
With that Louis hangs up and Zayn is left with the phone to his ear, biting his lip. For a minute he sits there and contemplates calling Harry. And if he did, what would he say? He and Harry weren't a couple, he didn't owe him anything. And yet, Zayn did kiss him- so maybe he owes him something. Either way Zayn packs up his stuff and leaves the office early. He thinks that if he hurries he might be able to stop by Harry's before it's too late, so he can apologize. As Zayn is driving over to Harry's he sees people leaving shops carrying flowers and candy. He wonders if he should stop and buy some too. He realizes its been so long since he's done any of this. For good measure, in case Harry really is angry, Zayn stops. He's walking through the Valentine's aisle in the supermarket when he runs into Niall.  
"Zayn, hey!" Niall smiles.  
Zayn gives him a smile too, "Hi, how are you?"  
Niall shrugs, "I'm alright- just getting some stuff before I head home for the night." He looks to the bouquet of roses in Zayn's hand. "Who is that for?" he asks.  
"Um, it's for Harry," Zayn tells him.  
"Harry?" Niall asks. "That kid that Louis brought to one of my gigs a while back?"  
Zayn nods.  
Niall's brow furrows, "Why are you buying him flowers?" he asks. "You don't have some weird kink for kids, do you?"  
Zayn sighs, "It's not like that."  
Niall raises his brow.  
"Look," Zayn says. "It's just apology flowers- it's complicated."  
Niall still doesn't seem to understand.  
"I have to go Niall, nice to see you."  
Niall stands there a moment, watching Zayn leave. He thinks it strange that Zayn would care so much about apologizing to Harry when Zayn doesn't really care about anything at all. Zayn arrives to Harry's building a few minutes later. He doesn't know what he's going to say and tries to decide as he takes the steps up to Harry's floor. He still hasn't chosen something when he gets to Harry's door. He decides to wing it. It only takes a minute for Harry to answer the door after Zayn knocks.  
"Zayn?" Harry asks, eyeing the boy and then the flowers in his hand.  
"Hi," Zayn says quickly.  
Harry blinks a few times, still not sure what's going on.  
"These are for you," Zayn says as he holds the flowers out to Harry. "Happy Valentines," he adds.  
"Thanks," Harry says with a quick nod. "I'm sorry but I didn't get you anything," he says.  
"No- don't be," Zayn tells him.  
Harry doesn't say anything and its quiet as they stand there, making awkward eye contact. "Do you want to come in?" Harry asks.  
"Sure," Zayn says.  
He enters the apartment and thinks that Harry seems really calm. But then again would he show Zayn if he was upset? Zayn doesn't know. Harry asks him to take a seat and Zayn does. He waits as Harry goes to put the flowers in a vase. When Harry returns he has the flowers in a nice glass vase and sets them down on the coffee table.  
"Do guys usually get other guys flowers?" he asks with a laugh.  
Zayn is a little embarrassed by that. "Sorry- I didn't know what would be good enough."  
Harry takes a seat next to him. "Good enough for what?"  
Zayn sighs, "For an apology, if it isn't obvious."  
Harry's brow furrows, "What are you apologizing for?"  
Zayn wonders why Harry is playing a game with him. Why won't he just say he's angry, or disappointed, or something? "For not coming to dinner," Zayn tells him.  
Harry's brow relaxes, "Oh. That's alright Zayn, I know you were busy at work."  
Now it's Zayn's turn to furrow his brow. "You're not angry?" he asks Harry.  
Harry shakes his head. Zayn looks away a minute, wondering if Louis played him.  
"Why would you think I was angry?" Harry asks him.  
Zayn sighs, "Because Louis said you were really disappointed I didn't come."  
Harry lets a hand rest on Zayn's knee. "I was," he says. "But I understand."  
Zayn feels kind of stupid. He bought flowers and was panicking, over nothing.  
"I'm glad you came over though," Harry begins. "I was getting a little worried I wouldn't hear from you again."  
Zayn doesn't know what to say to that.  
"Do you want to stay?" Harry asks. "I was gonna order in," he says. "Like every other single person today," he adds with a laugh.  
Zayn gives him a faint smile. "Sure, I'll stay."  
Harry smiles and goes to get the takeout menu. The food arrives a little while later and they eat, chatting and sharing stories. It's actually a really nice time and Zayn is really enjoying himself. He doesn't even catch himself later when he wraps an arm around Harry shoulders as they watch some cheesy romantic comedy. He thinks that this whole thing could be like a romantic comedy because there he was a guy who didn't know how to act with anyone anymore, giving it a shot with this one guy- because he was special. He laughs to himself as he wonders if the Thai food has gone to his head. Zayn is brought out of his thoughts, however, when he feels Harry nuzzle his nose into his neck. He smiles as he feels Harry's lips a second later, leaving a kiss on his collar bone.  
"What are you doing?" he asks.  
Harry breathes against him as he answers, "Kissing you."  
Zayn smiles again. "For future reference, never kiss anyone's neck unless you're asking them for you know what," he jokes.  
Harry sits up and looks Zayn in the eyes. "Do you want to?" he asks, very serious.  
Zayn is slightly confused. "It was a joke, Harry."  
Harry frowns, "What, you think I can't handle it, because I'm just a kid?"  
Zayn sighs and pulls his arm away from Harry's shoulder. "I'm sure you can handle sex, Harry. But I know you're just offering because you think it's what I want to hear."  
Harry bites his lip. "Well there's only one way to find that out," he says.  
Zayn shakes his head no.  
"Come on," Harry says. "Fuck me, right here."  
Zayn rolls his eyes. "Don't say it like that," he tells him. "It's not just fucking or sex, you know that."  
Harry nods, "So it's not really me, its you. You're the one who can't handle it."  
Zayn glares at him. "You don't know anything," he says.  
Harry is sorry he said that. "Zayn, I'm sorry- I didn't mean that."  
Zayn looks away. Harry curls up against him again, wrapping his arms around him.  
"I just really like you," Harry says against Zayn's chest. "You're right, I said that because I thought that was what you wanted."  
Zayn sighs.  
"I'm sorry I'm such an immature little shit," Harry adds.  
Zayn feels sorry and wraps his arms around Harry again. Harry was right, he couldn't handle it. He was scared of getting close to someone like this. Because he could be left alone again, and the pain of being left alone? The pain of being left alone sucks.  
"It's alright," he tells Harry. Because Zayn doesn't want this night to end like this. He wants a happy day, for the first time in a while, and he thinks he deserves that. Zayn runs his hand through Harry's hair. "Can I stay over?" he asks him.  
Harry pushes himself away from Zayn, so he can sit up and look him in the eyes. "You want to?" Harry asks.  
Zayn nods, giving him a soft smile. Harry smiles too, leaning in for a quick kiss. They kiss a moment, hands exploring each others bodies. When they pull apart Harry stands up, taking Zayn's hand. Zayn follows, letting Harry lead him. Harry leads him to the bedroom. It's a room with a queen size bed and two night stands, very simple.  
"You sleep commando, right?" Harry asks with a smile.  
Zayn smirks at that. "No, I sleep in my boxers."  
Harry nods, taking a step closer. "Then you don't need this," he smirks as he grabs for the hem of Zayn's shirt.  
Zayn lifts his arms and lets Harry pull the shirt away. Harry stops a moment to look at Zayn's tattoos, taking each one in separately. Beautiful, all of them. Zayn then undoes his belt and leaves his pants on the chair. Harry is quick to follow suit, stripping down to just his shorts. They get into separate sides of the bed, facing away from one another at first. Zayn gives it a few minutes before he flips over and moves closer to Harry, so he can wrap his arms around him. Harry gives a short, content sigh. Zayn notices the way Harry smells and how soft his skin is. He thinks that its been a long time since he's been this close to someone.  
"You smell nice," Zayn smiles into Harry's neck.  
Harry smiles too, letting his hand rest on Zayn's arm. "You sure you don't want to fuck me?"  
Zayn would roll his eyes if they were open. "How long has it been since you had sex?" he asks.  
"A while, I admit," Harry says.  
Zayn gives a little hum, letting his hands move down Harry's torso. When his hands slip under the hem of Harry's boxers, Harry's breath catches in his throat.   
-  
It's sunny the next morning and Harry is the first to wake up. He tries to stretch his achy muscles and finds that he's actually quite sore from last night. To his surprise when he looks over to Zayn, he is propped up on one elbow- watching him and already awake.  
"Morning," Zayn smiles softly.  
"Morning," Harry replies, biting his lip as he looks to Zayn's exposed torso.  
"Sleep okay?" Zayn asks.  
Harry sits up, "Is that even a serious question?"  
Zayn furrows his brow. Harry thinks that of course he didn't sleep okay. He couldn't sleep because all he could think about was the way Zayn's hands felt on his hips and the way that it felt so good and also like Zayn might break him in half at the same time as he fucked him.  
"What do you mean?" Zayn asks.  
"Never mind," Harry says before kissing him. "You're great in bed."  
Zayn lets out a laugh at that. "Do you remember how old I am?" he asks.  
Harry nods. "You're twenty five."  
Zayn nods too, "Years more experience than the nineteen, maybe twenty year old boys you've been fucking."  
Harry sees his point. "I wouldn't go back," Harry says with batting eyelashes, exaggerating romance.  
"Can it," Zayn says as he turns to get up.  
Zayn grabs his pants from the chair and tugs them on. "Are you coming by Louis' later?"  
Harry sits up against the headboard. "What's the occasion? I don't think I was invited."  
Zayn rolls his eyes, "Does it matter? And I'm inviting you."  
Harry smiles at him.  
"Later kid," Zayn says on his way out, just before he leaves he stops and plants a kiss on Harry's forehead.   
-  
"I haven't seen you this happy in a while," Eleanor comments as Zayn is digging threw her and Louis' fridge.  
Zayn grabs a soda before turning to her. "Oh yeah?" he asks.  
"He probably got laid," Louis comments as he's tossing the salad.  
Zayn turns and glares at him, "That's such a disgusting way to talk about sex."  
Louis laughs, "Right- I forgot you like to call it making love."  
Eleanor lays her hand on Zayn's shoulder, "I think that's romantic Zayn."  
Zayn looks to Louis and raises a brow with a little smirk on his face.  
"Don't encourage him El," Louis tells her.  
"Well, if you two have had your fun, Harry's all by himself in there," Zayn says.  
"Sorry, go ahead," Eleanor says.  
Zayn gives a nod before returning to the living room. Eleanor looks on fondly as Zayn returns to the couch, wrapping an arm around Harry.  
"Lou, is something going on there?" she asks.  
Louis turns to look, just as Harry is laughing and poking Zayn in the side and his brow furrows. "Not that I know of," he says.  
"You were the one who told Zayn to apologize on Valentine's," El reminds him.  
Louis nods, "I know. But even if Zayn did apologize, I doubt they fucked."  
El clears her throat.  
"Made love," Louis corrects himself.    
It's later that night and Zayn has left, having to get to bed early for work. Harry, Eleanor, and Louis are sitting around the dining room table chatting. Louis finishes off his glass of wine as he looks to Harry. "So how was the rest of Valentine's for you?" he asks.  
Harry looks to El before he answers. "It was really nice," he says. "Zayn stopped by."  
That raises Eleanor's brow, "He did?"  
Harry nods and laughs, "Even brought flowers."  
Louis thinks that that is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "Are you sure that was Zayn?" he asks.  
"Don't make fun," Eleanor warns him, "Zayn can be romantic."  
Louis rolls his eyes.  
"Remember Louis, Zayn helped you write your vows."  
Harry's eyes light up, "He did?"  
Louis waves his hand as if to wave the topic away, "That's beside the point."  
Harry shrugs.  
"But that's really nice that he brought you flowers, Harry," El says.  
Harry nods, "It was to apologize for not making it to dinner."  
Louis smirks at that and El shoots him a dirty look. Then El looks to Harry again, "Well he seemed really happy today."  
Harry smiles, "Yeah me too."  
Louis puts his hands on the table, "Tell me, did you guys fuck or not?"  
El is taken aback at his question, a small gasp escaping her lips. Harry is slightly offended. "It's called making love," he snaps at him.  
Louis lets out a maniacal laugh, "Is that what he told you? He was 'making love' to you? What a joke. He was using you, Harry."  
Harry pushes his chair away from the table and stands up. "How could you say that? You're supposed to be his friend."  
Louis rolls his eyes, "I can see his bullshit clearly, because I am his friend."  
Harry shakes his head in disgust and leaves the room, leaving the house altogether a second later.  
"I hope you’re happy," Eleanor tells Louis.  
-  
It's a few days later that Zayn sees Louis. Zayn stops by the little diner that he knows El and Lou eat at every Wednesday afternoon. Louis wipes his mouth with his napkin as he sees Zayn headed his way, wearing dark sunglasses and a leather jacket.  
"Hey," Zayn says as he joins them, slipping into the booth across from Louis and next to El.  
"Oh, Zayn," El says. "Do you want to join us?" she asks.  
"No," Zayn tells her. "This will just take a minute."  
Louis sighs, "I'm guessing he told you."  
Zayn folds his arms on the table, "Don't try and act like you thought he wouldn't."  
Louis shrugs, "Go on then, I'm not afraid of what you have to say."  
Zayn takes a breath in, "Maybe you're not afraid of what I have to say, but you should be afraid of what you say to others- because that's an impeccably more accurate description of you than anything I have to say about you."  
Louis doesn't say anything, Zayn continues. "Why would you say those things to him?" he asks. "He came to me crying, thinking I was only using him and that this was all some sort of joke. He's just a kid."  
Louis rolls his eyes. "Oh please, all this is is a joke. You don't care about him because of just that reason- he's a kid."  
Zayn sighs, "It's not your judgment to make whether or not I care about him. Keep you're idiotic assumptions to yourself."  
Louis laughs, "Are you trying to tell me you actually care about this kid, a kid you had sex with because you were lonely?"  
"You know what I think about the word sex and what it means," Zayn says.  
Louis furrows his brow.  
Zayn gets up, "Either way, I have to go. Call me when you pull your head out of your ass."  
With that Zayn leaves, leaving El and Louis by themselves. Louis thinks about what Zayn said. The word sex and what it means to him. Louis thinks back to a night when he and Zayn were twenty two, living to party and partying to live. He thinks about how Zayn could have had anyone he wanted back then, he still could even. And one night, when Louis wanted Zayn, Zayn didn't want Louis. Zayn had backed away from Louis' kiss, pushing his arms against Louis' chest. Louis had never felt more rejected in his whole life. He had asked Zayn to have sex with him, just once- fuck him good so he knew what it was like to be with a guy. Zayn had looked at him with a heavy brow and sorry eyes. "Louis, it's not just sex- it never is. I only make love and it's only with people I really care about," Zayn had told him. That had hurt Louis, so much so that to this day- he still feels the never ending rejection of how Zayn didn't want him. "You mean more to me that just sex, you're my best friend- I can't do that," Zayn had gone on. Louis thinks of Harry and how this all applies. If Zayn had been with Harry, that meant he really cared about him.   
-  
"Are you wearing my glasses?" Zayn asks, coming back to his living room.  
Harry, on the couch, turns to smile at him. When he notices what Zayn has in his hands, he lifts up his newspaper. But it’s too late and Zayn laughs. "Sorry pal, I gotcha."  
Harry sticks his tongue out and Zayn takes another picture. Then it clicks all the sudden, Zayn is taking pictures. The guy who stopped taking pictures a year ago. "Wait, what are you doing?" Harry asks.  
Zayn sees the realization on Harry's face and smiles as he sits next to him on the couch.  
"You said you didn't take pictures anymore, that they were too different from the ones before Hunter died."  
Zayn nods, "I did say that." He puts the camera down on the table. "But recently I've felt like maybe I should try again," he says.  
Harry is smiling ear to ear.  
"Yes, it probably has something to do with you," Zayn admits, knowing Harry is probably going down that train of thought in his head.  
"I'm so happy for you," Harry smiles.  
Zayn rolls his eyes although his smile gives away that he really has no quarrel. "Alright, enough of the sentimental crap, are you going to make me breakfast? -Or are you just gonna sit hear playing dress up all day?" he asks as he gets up.  
Harry grabs Zayn's arm. Zayn turns back to him. "Tell me I’m your muse,” Harry asks, mocking a Shakespearean voice, and with wide and bright eyes.  
"Shut up," Zayn laughs at him.    
A few hours later it’s after breakfast and Harry and Zayn are sitting in Zayn’s bed. Harry is watching TV while Zayn types something on his laptop.  
“I think you should quit that job,” Harry tells him.  
Zayn stops typing and looks to Harry, “Oh?”  
Harry nods, “Its dull, and its not you. You were meant to take pictures.”  
Zayn nods, “I see.”  
Harry turns off the TV and turns in his cross legged position, to fully face him, “I mean it, Zayn.”  
Zayn nods again, “I know you do Harry.”  
Harry sighs. “Then why aren’t you taking me seriously?” he asks.  
“I am,” Zayn says.  
Harry sighs again, crossing his arms and turning away from him. Zayn sighs too now, wondering how a perfectly fine moment turned into this. He thinks the world of Harry, he really does, but he also has to admit that Harry has his moments of immaturity. Zayn reaches a hand over and runs it up and down Harry’s back.  
“Come on,” Zayn says. “What is this really about?”  
Harry sighs; he loves the way Zayn’s hands feel on his body. You wouldn’t think Zayn was very strong if you saw him, but he had strong arms and hands- Harry knew. “This is about your crappy job that you hate,” Harry tells him.  
“It might be crappy and I might hate it,” Zayn agrees, “but right now it’s what’s putting this roof over my head.”  
Harry sighs, “I know that. I just think its lame and you could do better.”  
Zayn nods, “Okay. Thank you.”  
Harry looks over his shoulder at him, “I guess there is something else,” he says, “as long as we’re talking about how we feel and what not.”  
Zayn nods, lightly pulling at Harry’s torso so he will come sit closer to him. Harry obliges and moves so he is right next to Zayn and Zayn can loosely wrap and an arm around him.  
“Why don’t you want me?” Harry asks.  
Zayn is surprised by that question. “Sorry, what did you just say?” he asks.  
Harry starts to blush. “It’s just that since Valentine’s, the first time we had sex, we’ve only had sex twice- and it’s been a few weeks.”  
Zayn furrows his brow and a little smile plays on his lips. He isn’t sure whether he should laugh or not, but something about this seems comedic to him. “Why does the number matter to you?” he asks, genuinely curious.  
“It’s not the number,” Harry tries to say. He sighs, “I don’t know.” Zayn waits, watching his facial expressions go through an array. “I’ve only been with a few people in my life, you know,” he says.  
Zayn nods.  
“But those people, they wanted to have sex all the time.”  
A smile plays at Zayn’s lips again.  
“I know you’re older,” Harry frowns, “but you’re not that old.”  
Now Zayn has to laugh. Harry blushes more and crosses his arms in frustrations.  
“I’m glad you think I’m old, but not that old,” Zayn comments with a smile.  
“That’s not what I meant,” Harry says.  
Zayn nods, “Don’t worry, I know.”  
Harry is still frowning, waiting for an explanation. “Okay,” Zayn begins, “here’s how I see it.” Harry uncrosses his arms, waiting patiently. “Those guys probably wanted to have sex all the time because they’re young and it might be a new thing for them,” he says. Harry furrows his brow. “And yes, sex is a great thing,” Zayn goes on, “but I think when you get a little older like me, sex means more to you than it does when you’re younger.” He doesn’t know why he’s going on and on about this.  
“Are you saying I’m not interesting to you?” Harry asks.  
“No, it’s not that.” Zayn thinks for a moment about how he wants to say this, how to say it so Harry understands. “Basically, Harry- I appreciate sex more than they did.”  
Harry still has his brow furrowed and it looks like he just might give up soon. Zayn sighs.  
“I don’t get it,” Harry says.  
“I want more from you than just your body,” Zayn tries.  
Harry smiles at that. He understands now. Those guys wanted sex and Zayn wants more. “I get it now,” Harry smiles as he wraps his arms around Zayn and hugs him.  
Zayn smiles over his shoulder, “Good.” He pulls back so he can kiss Harry. Harry smiles just before their lips touch, his eyes fluttering shut. He loves Zayn’s lips. He loves the way they feel, the way they taste- everything about them. He also loves it when Zayn adds his tongue to the kiss and they lazily make out for a minute or two. Zayn pulls back, giving Harry one more quick peck.  
“Okay,” Harry says, “I’ll let you get back to work now.”  
He turns on the TV again and gives Zayn some room. Zayn looks back to his email and can’t remember where he was even going with this draft. Harry’s legs catch his eye as Harry stretches them. He also notices how Harry’s shirt exposes some of his midriff. And all Zayn can think is Harry. His body, his lips, everything. He shuts his laptop and puts it on the bedside table.  
“Are you done?” Harry asks, looking over.  
Zayn smirks, moving closer to him. “We’re just getting started, actually.”  
Harry’s eyes go wide as Zayn’s lips find his neck, quick to suck and bite there. And with ease Zayn takes the remote from Harry’s hand, shutting off the TV and tossing it to the floor. Harry moans at the feeling of Zayn’s teeth against his skin. It’s nothing new but then again Harry can never really be sure if he’s dreaming or not when he’s with Zayn. Zayn pulls away from his neck and kisses his lips again, as Harry’s hands desperately pull at the fabric of Zayn’s shirt. Harry feels like he’s in a trance and the next thing he knows he’s on all fours in the middle of the bed, Zayn pounding into him from behind. He’s moaning and Zayn is panting and it’s all a mess of sweat and mumbled sentences. He feels his orgasm coming and he braces himself, his moans getting louder as it feels better and better.  
“Yes, right there,” he tells Zayn.  
Zayn pushes deeper and suddenly he feels Harry fall apart. Harry moans out his name and he lets his head fall to the bed, cum spilling down his abdomen. He’s panting and the sight of him is just enough that Zayn’s falls off the deep end too. He rides it out a moment, knowing Harry likes that, before collapsing to the bed.  
“Oh god,” he breathes.  
Harry crawls over to him, letting his head rest against his chest as he cuddles up to Zayn. Harry is always like this just after they’ve had sex, he feels the need to be as close to Zayn as he can- wrapping their legs, bodies, everything. And Zayn is more than happy to reciprocate, wrapping his arms around Harry.  
“That was amazing,” Harry says.  
“You say that every time,” Zayn smiles.  
“I don’t lie,” Harry says before leaving a kiss on Zayn’s chest.  
-  
Harry doesn’t know whether or not to smile when he sees Eleanor a few days later.  
“Harry, hi,” she greets him, a bit timid.  
Harry looks up from his grocery basket, meeting her eyes. “Hi,” he says.  
“Are you doing okay?” she asks him, moving out of the way so other customers can pass her by.  
“I’m fine El,” Harry says. “How are you?”  
She smiles. “I’m fine too Harry. I’ve just been missing you.”  
Harry frowns, “Louis shouldn’t have said those things.”  
She nods in agreement, “I know.”  
And suddenly Harry thinks if you speak of the devil, he shall appear. Louis joins them, pushing up a shopping cart.  
“Oh,” he says when he sees Harry.  
Harry just nods. “Well, I should go,” he says.  
“Wait,” Louis asks.  
Harry looks to him, waiting. “I’m sorry,” Louis says. Harry nods. “I have no right to judge what you or Zayn do,” he adds.  
“Okay,” Harry says.  
“Are you still together?” Louis asks.  
Harry nods. “We are, proving that he’s not just using me- like you so hurtfully accused him of.” Louis frowns. “You know what?” Harry asks him. “I really hope Zayn never forgives you. You’re not a good friend.”  
Louis sighs, “You wouldn’t understand Harry, Zayn and I have been friends for far longer than you have known him.”  
Harry thinks that that really doesn’t matter. Just because someone has always been your friend doesn’t mean they should be forever. People and situations change. Either way he says goodbye to them and sets off for Zayn’s. When he gets back he finds Zayn is in his office, sitting at the desk. Harry pushes the door open slowly, trying not to disturb him.  
“Hey,” he says softly. “I’m back.”  
Zayn looks up from envelopes on his desk, a large smile on his face. “That was quick,” he says.  
Harry nods, entering and coming over to the desk. “What are you working on?” he asks.  
“It’s a surprise,” Zayn tells him as he stands up.  
Harry raises his brow. Zayn steps around the desk and wraps his arms around Harry lightly. “I missed you,” he says.  
Harry wraps his arms around Zayn too, letting his chin rest on Zayn’s shoulder. “I was gone for twenty minutes,” Harry tells him.  
Zayn squeezes a little bit tighter before leaning back so he can look Harry in the eye. “I know, I just like it when you’re here,” he smiles.  
Harry smiles too, leaning in to kiss him. They kiss for a moment before they’re interrupted by someone clearing their throat. They both look to the door to see a friend of Zayn and Louis’, Liam.  
“Liam, what are you doing here?” Zayn asks, still holding onto Harry.  
“I want to know what’s going on,” Liam says.  
Zayn nods, pulling away from Harry and asking Liam to follow him to the living area. Harry pretends to be busy in the kitchen as Liam and Zayn talk. He can hear them, but tries not to eavesdrop. He wonders why so many of Zayn’s friends have a problem with him. All Harry wants is to be happy and he wants to make Zayn happy. To him that seems like a simple concept. He starts making dinner as they talk, occasionally listening in.  
“Louis said you’re dating him now, this nineteen year old kid,” Liam says.  
“So what?” Zayn asks. “I don’t live my life to please you or Louis.”  
Harry hears Liam sigh. “We both want what’s best for you, you know that. We just wonder if this is it.”  
Zayn clears his throat. “What’s best for me is for me to decide, Liam. You and Louis can take your concern somewhere else.”  
Harry sighs, hoping Zayn doesn’t get into a fight with Liam.  
“I just don’t understand, what could you possibly have in common with him?” Liam asks.  
It’s quiet a minute and Harry’s worries that Zayn doesn’t have an answer. “We care about each other,” Zayn finally says. “That’s more than enough in common. It’s more than you and Louis have in common with me, that’s for sure.”  
Harry hears the door open and from the kitchen he can see that Zayn has opened it. Liam stands and goes with him. “We care about you, Zayn,” Liam tries to tell him.  
“If you cared about me you wouldn’t act like this,” Zayn says.  
He doesn’t look at Liam anymore, just waits for him to go. Zayn shuts the door and Harry quickly tries to make himself look busy. He only notices Zayn when he comes into the kitchen and opens the fridge.  
“What are you making?” he asks.  
Harry nearly jumps at the question. “Spaghetti,” he answers.  
Zayn gives him a soft smile before coming over and kissing him. “How long before it’s done?”  
Harry shrugs, “Not long.”  
Zayn nods, “I’ll be right back.”  
Harry nods. He watches Zayn go to the door, grabbing his jacket and his keys. Zayn leaving makes Harry feel really nervous. He thinks that Zayn’s place is far too big for one person, alone at night like this. The pasta finishes a little bit later and Harry takes it off the stove. He goes to the window and tries to see if Zayn’s car is on the street. He wonders where he could have gone, and so late like this. He worries for him. Even so, Harry tries to remain calm as he waits for him to return. He’s sitting on the couch watching a rerun when he hears his phone going off in the bedroom. Harry hurries to retrieve it from the bed, where it had fallen out of his pocket earlier when Zayn had tackled him amidst a play fight. He raises the phone to his ear and the voice he hears isn’t the one he wanted.  
“Harry, I want you to come over tomorrow.”  
Harry rolls his eyes and he’s ready to give Louis a mouthful. “You ignorant idiot,” he begins. “I’m not interested in being you’re friend.”  
Louis sighs, “I just want to make all of this right.”  
Harry yells at him before hanging up, “You can’t, it’s too late for that. You and Liam dug your graves.”  
-  
That night Zayn doesn’t return. Harry stays up, sitting in Zayn’s bed- waiting. He falls asleep once or twice. It’s around three in the morning that he gets a text.  
“Harry,” it reads. “I’m not coming back tonight.”  
Harry panics at that. “Why not?” he replies.  
“I don’t have time to say, I’ll see you.”  
Harry tries to call him but Zayn doesn’t answer. Harry is so shocked that he could just leave like that and not tell him. He wants to cry.  
-  
Its two weeks later and Harry still goes to Zayn’s everyday, to see if he has returned. Everyday he just gets the same disappointment of that empty apartment that doesn’t smell like Zayn anymore. By now Liam, Louis, and Eleanor know about Zayn having run off. They try to call Harry, console him- but he doesn’t care. They’re not real friends, he keeps telling himself. If they were they would be more concerned instead of saying things like ‘that’s Zayn for you’ or ‘we told you he was gonna hurt you’. But Harry doesn’t see it that way, Zayn didn’t do this to hurt him. He wouldn’t do that.    
It’s three o’ clock on a Tuesday afternoon and Harry stops by the coffee shop Zayn took him too a few times. He gets a latte and picks a booth by the window, so he can be alone. He thinks about two weeks and how long they really are. Two weeks without Zayn and he feels more depressed than he ever has in his life. He thinks about another two weeks, the ones it took for him to fall in love with Zayn, and how happy they had made them. He wishes Zayn would just come back and that they could runaway together, or that Zayn had taken him along in the first place. His phone goes off and he fishes it out of his pocket.  
“I should’ve received the new issue of Wonder, can you get it from my mailbox?” the text reads.  
Harry just stares at his phone for a minute. Nothing for two weeks and now this? A stupid text about that photography magazine? Harry rolls his eyes and gets up. He doesn’t respond because he knows it’s really no use and that Zayn won’t reply. On his walk back to Zayn’s he stops at a store that has the magazine displayed in the window. He’s surprised to see Zayn on the front. And under his picture is a caption, Zayn Malik: the once beloved photographer who found his way back, find out how inside. Harry’s eyes are wide. Why didn’t Zayn tell him about this? He pushes through the door to the shop quickly and picks up the magazine from the table.  
“Hey, you have to pay for that before you read it,” the shop owner tells him.  
Harry ignores that, flipping the pages until he sees Zayn. The title of the page reads “Zayn Malik: the man who fell in and out of love with Photography”. The article continues to go on about how when Hunter had died, Zayn fell out of the photography world and his art turned dark. But now, the writer insists that Zayn is a changed man and that his photos have light again. Harry notices that some of the pictures displayed are pictures of him and his eyes go wide.  
“Excuse me sir,” the old shop keep asks him.  
“Shit, you’re the kid in Zayn Malik’s pictures.”  
Harry looks at him.  
“You wouldn’t mind signing that magazine, would you?”  
Harry ignores him, hands him the magazine and runs off. He rushes back to Zayn’s, huffing and puffing up the stairs. He nearly breaks the door to Zayn’s apartment down in his rush to get inside. And there, waiting for him, are the chocolate colored eyes he has been missing. Harry’s own eyes are huge as he tries to catch his breath.  
“That article,” Harry chokes out.  
Zayn gives him a small smile.  
“I feel in love with a kid I met just weeks before, and for the first time in a really long time, I wanted to pick up that camera again,” Harry says, reciting Zayn’s words from the article.  
Zayn smiles again, this time wide and goofy. He comes over to Harry and embraces him in the best hug that Harry has ever felt.  
“I love you Zayn,” Harry says into his shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](http://styleslovesmalik.tumblr.com)!


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